Here at The Gazette, we have our share of wacky moments. We decided to share some of them. If you don't like the "humor," then kindly refer to the title of this column. * * * IMPACT, WHAT IMPACT? DID SOMEONE SAY IMPACT? The Public Service Commission is holding hearings in Madison on the environmental impact of the proposed Duluth-to-Weston power line. We could save everyone the time and effort by simply putting it down that the utility companies and business interest will say the line will have zero impact. Environmental interests will say the plan itself is a zero. The utility folks say we need this new power line to supply necessary power needs. Meanwhile, Portage County will soon be home to a new multi-megawatt power plant that will ship electrical energy somewhere else. Never underestimate the ability of the human species to make things more confusing than necessary. * * * HOT RACE: Seven people have announced that they are candidates for the position of state superintendent of public instruction. Linda Cross of Waupaca is one of the candidates, and she says she's the early favorite. That's just because she has lined up 12 people to vote for her in the February primary. That should be plenty. * * * ONE OF THOSE WINTERS: You know it's one of those winters when everyone has a snow story to share. They have 130 inches in Hurley, says one guy. "Fifty-eight and counting in Racine," remarks another. "It snowed so much you couldn't tell if you'd been plowed out or not," says a woman from Milwaukee. Shucks, here in Point, we're going to declare an elementary school snow mountain to be the highest point in Portage County. Well, Point and Plover, anyway. * * * DART WINS ICE SCULPTING CONTEST SOMETIME IN FUTURE: This would definitely be a winter to enter the ice sculpture contest. The Gazette intends to enter at least one such event in the future, and our entry will be a 1965 Dodge Dart, glistening in its original "just off the assembly line" look. And remember, "Have a Heart, Save the Dart." * * * FLASH…VIKINGS MAKE PLAYOFFS: Story ends there. * * * RIVER WASH: If the state really does ram a highway across the Plover River to make the 10 crossing and it uses the same design for stormwater and road wash as it did near Iverson Park, we'll need some of that bottled water that Perrier is selling. What'll it be? The business park or the county's largest municipal water supply? Someone has to be kidding. * * * COLD CONQUESTS: Yes, we've endured our share of cold all right. People in other ports ask if we've built an igloo yet. Hell, we could build the world's biggest igloo. Let's put it around The Point Municipal Pool, add some almost hot water and make the world's biggest hot tub inside the world's biggest igloo? * * * COLD, BUT NOT THAT COLD: Oh, it's a been a biter all right, but we've known worse, like the year when the holy water founts froze up in a couple of area churches. * * * TOMMY: Wisconsin's own pinball wizard, Tommy Thompson, goes toddling off to D.C., as the story of the boy from Elroy continues. Put in charge of social services just as President-elect Bush announces a recession, Tommy just wishes he could play with trains and boats and planes in transportation. Shucks. Where's the pinball machine? * * * ANOTHER OPTION: The Highway 10 bypass debate has gone on long enough, so it's time to "think out of the box" and come up with a radical alternative that will prevent any impacts to the Wisconsin and Plover rivers. Here's one - let's move Marshfield, so we don't need to build a four-lane, east-west highway to get to that city's current location. Moving it near Appleton is one possibility, since many central Wisconsin municipalities are starting to look like that sprawling community anyway. * * * HOLIDAY RECYCLING: One reader waited so long to put up his family's Christmas tree that he considered waiting until after Dec. 25 and just taking a discarded one from someone's curb. For the sake of his children, he broke down and bought one a few days before Christmas. "Ol' Tannebaum" dried out early, so out on the curb it went a few days after Christmas. Sure enough, someone "took" the spruce from his yard sometime New Year's Day, leaving him to wonder if the tree will decorate a delayed holiday celebration or be burned as firewood. * * * TURNING LEMONS INTO LEMONADE: Blame it on the law of supply and demand, but last month's heating bill was way too much for one local crank. With the abundance of snow this year, he's determined to build an igloo in his backyard. Burning a candle, or maybe even that monstrous natural gas bill, would be enough to keep the snowy den relatively warm. If winter continues on its present course, the alternative form of housing might last until college rentals clear out in May. * * * LONGER DRIVEWAY: Driveways throughout Portage County have gotten longer this year. The three-foot boulevard between the sidewalk and street has now doubled with all the snow piled up. * * * OUT OF SERVICE: People in Stevens Point weren't seeing taxicabs dressed in the black-and-white Stevens Point police cars. That really was an "out-of-service" sign covering the emergency lights on the top of the vehicle. When civilians drive the vehicles for servicing or other reasons, the sign is placed over the lights. Sometimes, officers forget to remove them before driving around again. * * * PRESIDENTIAL QUALIFICATIONS: NEA Today, the magazine of the National Education Association, includes youthful expressions to teachers in the classroom. The January issue includes this report from a Massachusetts teacher. "Teaching a class of eighth-graders about the Constitution and the qualifications for the presidency, I happened to mention that no person can be elected to the highest office in the land who is not a natural born citizen. "One young lady raised her hand immediately and inquired if someone delivered by Caesarian section could be elected." * * * MORE SENIOR MOMENTS: Marsha G. Haynes of Amherst informs that she has published all her poems in two books so this will be the last "Senior Moment" she will send. "Watered all my flowers though they're made of silk put shampoo in my coffee washed my hair with milk "Confusion is a state of mind we'll all live in some day so watch out for that moving van it's headed out your way."