By JIM SCHUH
of The Gazette
When I wrote last week that some things in Russia look dull and gray, that doesn't mean our Sister City delegation didn't have some fun while we were there earlier this month.
We heard words of caution before leaving home about the Russian drinking water. Much of what comes out of the tap is not fit to consume. Russian restaurants serve water that's bottled by Coca-Cola or Pepsi, and much of it is carbonated mineral water.
Russian tap water may have beasties in it that can cause distress in the lower tract, as the old TV commercial described it, so many of us carried along drugs to combat that condition. But it turned out not to be a problem - in fact, it was exactly the opposite. One member of our troupe (who shall remain nameless) assessed the situation this way: "I didn't need Immodium, I needed explodium."
I know you expect me to comment on the toilets in Russia, since I usually mention them when I return from far-away places. In general, Americans would consider Russian toilets to be dirty. In one instance, I used a toilet without a seat - sitting on cold, unclean porcelain has the ability to speed things along. By the way, it is not unusual for Russian public toilets not to have seats. As a result, we often withheld immediate responses to natural urges.
We took suggestions to carry along rolls of toilet paper, but I never needed to use any of mine. I found paper in each toilet I visited. None of that soft, embossed stuff, though - this paper was much more like the consistency of those dispenser-fed brown paper restroom towels. Not bad, but not great either.
Personal hygiene can be quite a challenge. My hosts did not have hot water - when they needed some, they heated it on their gas stove. That makes filling a bathtub a considerable chore, so I went the basic washcloth route. Grandma had a shower, and after four days of hot, humid weather, I was overdue to visit her apartment and clean up my act.
I can recall only one other time in my life when a shower felt so good - that was after spending seven days in a raft traveling almost 200 miles down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. On that trip, we managed a bath in the Little Colorado but the rest of the time had to cool off from 115 degree temperatures and bathe at the same time by filling a bucket with river water and dumping it over our heads.
Changing money in Russia was an unusual experience. Elsewhere, the procedure involves going to a bank, presenting your passport and travelers checks in the amount you want converted and paying a small fee. In our case, when we wanted to convert dollars to rubles, our translator told us to wait while she contacted someone - call him a "personal banker" - who arrived within minutes with a wad of rubles to exchange for our dollars. I gave him 50 American dollars and received 1,450 rubles. That was a little less than the official exchange rate.
Apparently, American dollars are quite attractive in Russia, so currency trader Boris the Black Marketer or whatever his name was must be smiling.
In St. Petersburg - our last stop in Russia - we found a beautiful, well-maintained city. We also encountered very aggressive young men trying to sell us everything from Russian army hats crammed with medals to lithographs and books of commemorative stamps. Our tour bus stopped at a souvenir stand alongside the Neva River, where we found many offerings, including several of those nested dolls also known as Matrushka dolls.
Earlier, my hosts, the Ryzhenkovas, presented me with a lovely set of seven traditional Matrushka dolls - each one smaller than the one before it and stored one inside the other. The St. Petersburg souvenir stand had George Washington and Abraham Lincoln Matrushkas, as well as Russian rulers including Peter the Great, Nicholas II, Lenin, Stalin, Gorbachev and Yeltsin. We didn't look to see who was inside.
The one that really grabbed our attention was the small Bill Clinton Matrushka set. When you opened the Clinton doll, you found one of Monica Lewinsky inside. When you opened Monica, there was the Paula Jones doll. Then came Hillary Clinton, and finally, a cigar (see the accompanying photo). News does travel.
Russian entrepreneurs are making the most of the situation - especially for the American tourist clientele. I suppose Gary Condit dolls are in the works. I should have bought the Clinton set, but didn't. Fortunately, another member of our group picked up a few sets for friends and relatives. That traveling companion allowed me to snap the picture as long as I would not identify that person publicly. The way I figure, the photo makes keeping my mouth shut worth it.
You may reach Jim Schuh at The Gazette, or by e-mail at jpschuh@excite.com.