Commentary - pcgazette.com

Commentary
pcgazette.com

Funny names abound

By JIM SCHUH
of The Gazette
I recently offered a couple columns on funny names. Lots of people responded with their favorites. But today, I want to pay tribute to my sister, Barbara, who has maintained a list of peculiar names for many years.

Barbara lives in Glendale, just north of Milwaukee, and came across many of these handles during her 18 years as a police dispatcher. She recently gave me a copy of her list to share with you.

It's difficult for some to understand the reasons for unusual names. After all, in years past, it was common to use Biblical names for children, and many of us grew up in that era. Those names sound good and normal. But things are different today.

Some parents now choose names for their children that sound like forms of plastic or vinyl. Many of those names pale in comparison to what follows. Although these parents displayed considerable creativity in the naming process, the owners of these monikers probably experienced ridicule in their early years because of their names, and it's fair to suggest there may have been a playground fight or two.

What struck me most about these names is that many of them are English words spelled in an odd way. Take Preshus Cook, for example - or perhaps Catholean Olotu. Others are regal, such as Royal Blue Stevens, Queen Etta Matthews or Sultan Shareef.

You'll find people with historical names, such as Hiawatha Gibbs, President Warren or Hindenburg Smith. Quite a few people have Roosevelt as a given name in deference to one of the 20th century's great leaders. The parents of one fellow surely were thinking of the H-bomb when they named him War Nucla Marion.

There are several names on my sister's list that end in the letters "-ious," like Ytrissious Day, Mosquictious Harper, Kidicious King and Nausious Waheed. That one seems like a derivative of "noxious weeds." Don't forget Aldemetrius McGlown.

I suppose Gentle Dills' parents were in a pickle when they chose her name, and the father and mother of Knowledge Brown had high hopes that their child would become an intellectual. Litterasee Wiggins' folks probably felt the same way.

Some parents seem to take more common names and doctor them up with prefixes and suffixes. Pushawn Alexander is one example. Shawnkya Turner is another.

Others chose peculiar spellings for relatively common names. Antoine becomes Antwaan, Antjuan or Antwon. Tijuana is in Mexico, but Tujuanna McKee lives in Milwaukee.

I found botanical-sounding names, like Fernetta Young and Tonjarine Ellis. I spotted "cutesy" names, such as Flippin Pershonne, Anthony Poopie Smith and Twadie Fitchpatrick. Corruptions of "Michelle" include Meshelle Cary and Meshell Munson.

I do not know what possessed the parents of Beastie White to give him such a name. It's probably bugged him, too. Scace Demon Roshell's parents must have had a devil of a time naming him. And which of us would dream of spelling "Charlotte," "Sharlet."

There's one fellow who will command respect wherever he goes, as long as people address him by his first and middle names: Mister Neal Harrison. It may be that Normal Earl Stevens' parents wanted to distinguish him from Peculiar Earl Stevens.

Some names are just fun sounding. Say these a few times: Doradeen Sharkadee-Adoo, Dreamalee McCracken, Suprena Green, Crommie Cole, Osias Doudut. I did it.

One name sounds like a cut of meat: Crailoin Cook. Another seems like hair spray: Aquanetta Smith.

I came across a name that almost sounded Egyptian - Neferterri Stinson. Another name with roots in the African continent was Kenyacies Phipps.

Lots of names on the list defy categorization, but I want to present them to you anyway. It may be that your child or grandchild is looking for a distinctive name for a new offspring, and you could come to the rescue. Consider Anglue, Anthalia, Antraz, Chakiell, Chalermsee, Diaphatus, Juanteen, Kaiphus, Lashawenta, Marshaye, Onthalia, Osiabell, Shadiamond, Shavinah, Sinumbers, Sherletha, or Vonadrian.

One day in 1992, my sister received a teletype notice that a subject was in custody on a paternity warrant. His name appropriately was Marvelous Love.
I recall hearing about a woman who named her two daughters Lemonjello (luh-MAHN'-jeh-loh) and Orangejello (or-RAHN'-jeh-loh). The names came right off the shelf of the supermarket - Lemon Jello and Orange Jello.

My all-time goofy favorites are the names of twins. My former compadre at WIZD, Pat Shanahan, learned of a woman who named her kids Syphilis and Gonorrhea. But these names were pronounced differently than you might think. The first one is suh-PHY"-lus, while the second is guh-NORR'-ee-ah.
Pat says the woman was reading a magazine shortly before delivering, and came across the headline of an article that mentioned the two venereal diseases, but didn't read on. She liked what she thought was the sound of the two names, and applied them to her twins.

I do not know if the woman had any other children, but I'd love to think that when she bore her next daughter, she named her Chlamydia.

You may reach Jim Schuh at The Gazette, or by e-mail at jpschuh@excite.com.



	Funny names abound By JIM SCHUH of The Gazette I recently offered a couple columns on funny names. Lots of people responded with their favorites. But today, I want to pay tribute to my sister, Barbara, who has maintained a list of peculiar names for many years. Barbara lives in Glendale, just north of Milwaukee, and came across many of these handles during her 18 years as a police dispatcher. She recently gave me a copy of her list to share with you. It's difficult for some to understand the reasons for unusual names. After all, in years past, it was common to use Biblical names for children, and many of us grew up in that era. Those names sound good and normal. But things are different today. Some parents now choose names for their children that sound like forms of plastic or vinyl. Many of those names pale in comparison to what follows. Although these parents displayed considerable creativity in the naming process, the owners of these monikers probably experienced ridicule in their early years because of their names, and it's fair to suggest there may have been a playground fight or two. What struck me most about these names is that many of them are English words spelled in an odd way. Take Preshus Cook, for example - or perhaps Catholean Olotu. Others are regal, such as Royal Blue Stevens, Queen Etta Matthews or Sultan Shareef. You'll find people with historical names, such as Hiawatha Gibbs, President Warren or Hindenburg Smith. Quite a few people have Roosevelt as a given name in deference to one of the 20th century's great leaders. The parents of one fellow surely were thinking of the H-bomb when they named him War Nucla Marion. There are several names on my sister's list that end in the letters "-ious," like Ytrissious Day, Mosquictious Harper, Kidicious King and Nausious Waheed. That one seems like a derivative of "noxious weeds." Don't forget Aldemetrius McGlown. I suppose Gentle Dills' parents were in a pickle when they chose her name, and the father and mother of Knowledge Brown had high hopes that their child would become an intellectual. Litterasee Wiggins' folks probably felt the same way. Some parents seem to take more common names and doctor them up with prefixes and suffixes. Pushawn Alexander is one example. Shawnkya Turner is another. Others chose peculiar spellings for relatively common names. Antoine becomes Antwaan, Antjuan or Antwon. Tijuana is in Mexico, but Tujuanna McKee lives in Milwaukee. I found botanical-sounding names, like Fernetta Young and Tonjarine Ellis. I spotted "cutesy" names, such as Flippin Pershonne, Anthony Poopie Smith and Twadie Fitchpatrick. Corruptions of "Michelle" include Meshelle Cary and Meshell Munson. I do not know what possessed the parents of Beastie White to give him such a name. It's probably bugged him, too. Scace Demon Roshell's parents must have had a devil of a time naming him. And which of us would dream of spelling "Charlotte," "Sharlet." There's one fellow who will command respect wherever he goes, as long as people address him by his first and middle names: Mister Neal Harrison. It may be that Normal Earl Stevens' parents wanted to distinguish him from Peculiar Earl Stevens. Some names are just fun sounding. Say these a few times: Doradeen Sharkadee-Adoo, Dreamalee McCracken, Suprena Green, Crommie Cole, Osias Doudut. I did it. One name sounds like a cut of meat: Crailoin Cook. Another seems like hair spray: Aquanetta Smith. I came across a name that almost sounded Egyptian - Neferterri Stinson. Another name with roots in the African continent was Kenyacies Phipps. Lots of names on the list defy categorization, but I want to present them to you anyway. It may be that your child or grandchild is looking for a distinctive name for a new offspring, and you could come to the rescue. Consider Anglue, Anthalia, Antraz, Chakiell, Chalermsee, Diaphatus, Juanteen, Kaiphus, Lashawenta, Marshaye, Onthalia, Osiabell, Shadiamond, Shavinah, Sinumbers, Sherletha, or Vonadrian. One day in 1992, my sister received a teletype notice that a subject was in custody on a paternity warrant. His name appropriately was Marvelous Love. I recall hearing about a woman who named her two daughters Lemonjello (luh-MAHN'-jeh-loh) and Orangejello (or-RAHN'-jeh-loh). The names came right off the shelf of the supermarket - Lemon Jello and Orange Jello. My all-time goofy favorites are the names of twins. My former compadre at WIZD, Pat Shanahan, learned of a woman who named her kids Syphilis and Gonorrhea. But these names were pronounced differently than you might think. The first one is suh-PHY"-lus, while the second is guh-NORR'-ee-ah. Pat says the woman was reading a magazine shortly before delivering, and came across the headline of an article that mentioned the two venereal diseases, but didn't read on. She liked what she thought was the sound of the two names, and applied them to her twins. I do not know if the woman had any other children, but I'd love to think that when she bore her next daughter, she named her Chlamydia. You may reach Jim Schuh at The Gazette, or by e-mail at jpschuh@excite.com.