E-mails can be newsworthy, informative, funny, silly By JIM SCHUH of The Gazette E-mails come to me each day, and some of them are newsworthy or informative. Others are funny, while still others are silly. I get some from outfits I don't know, and they wind up in the trash bin without me looking at them. But here are a couple that might interest you, along with two stories on a few things I've seen in newspapers. I just learned of the death this summer of a lady named Mary Langston, who served as Elvis Presley's cook for 14 years. Her obituary appeared in The New York Times. It seems Langston prepared Elvis' favorite snack - fried peanut butter sandwiches. I'll bet you never ate any like these. To make them, she used two whole sticks of butter for every three sandwiches she prepared. Langston started as a maid for Elvis, but Elvis' wife at the time, Priscilla, promoted her to cook when she noticed Langston enjoyed the same foods as Elvis did when he was a child - fried squirrel, collard greens and chitlins. This information goes a long way to explain why Elvis "plumped up" in the last few years before his demise. * * * A report on auto quality in The Wall Street Journal makes me wonder how long it will be before it comes to American television. We all know about "Survivor" and "Big Brother" - the wildly popular TV shows that had their genesis in Europe. Now the British Broadcasting Corp. (BBC) is airing a program called "Top Gear," named after a car magazine of the same name. The magazine conducts an annual customer satisfaction survey among its readers, and now has taken it to the telly. The Journal reports that the "smirking host" of the show recently sprayed a load of liquefied manure over a General Motors Vauxhall Sintra wagon (about the same as our Pontiac Transport), identifying it as the year's "top turnip." Also on the show, hood badges from various cars made by Ford, Rover Group and GM's United Kingdom subsidiary get flushed down a toilet, as the program identifies the models as "the worst offenders," according to British owners. It's all cricket, says the BBC, because the latest J. D. Power & Associates customer satisfaction survey rated the vehicles at the bottom of the heap. Naturally, the automakers don't like such treatment, and complain about flaws in the survey method. While privacy laws in the U. K. hinder better survey techniques, Power says it stands by its methodology, and has no plans to quit. Why does the show use such unorthodox ways of making its point? The editor of Top Gear, Kevin Blick, says the program needs "an interesting and entertaining way" to broadcast the survey results each year. He justifies what went over the air, because in his words, "there were some very poor cars out there." * * * I have purchased one item online so far - a Merriam-Webster Geographical Dictionary from Barnes and Noble. I was satisfied with it, until I saw it elsewhere recently for $20 less. The Barnes and Noble people made me cough up about $48 for the book, including handling and delivery. I had an old copy, and was seeking a newer version because of all the political and geographic changes in the past two decades. That's when I came upon a listing of the third edition of the book in Barnes and Nobles' "out-of-print" section. The book apparently is not "out-of-print." Now, I'm not so satisfied. I like the book; I don't like what the company charged me. Other online shoppers aren't satisfied, either. In fact, a recent news story reports that almost one in four online buyers are "extremely dissatisfied" with their cyberspace shopping experience. Gartner Group's CPulse online customer survey says firms are losing business because of fears about security of transactions. That's people's top concern, while surprise shipping and handling costs come in second. Just maybe all this online shopping isn't going to replace the local retailer. A stock broker I know recommended against buying shares of delivery service firms, saying he doesn't see quick returns, and that online merchandising isn't all it's cracked up to be - at least, not yet. * * * Then there's another story from The Wall Street Journal that tells of a new online venture that lets you attend funerals from afar. A Toronto company that wants to expand into the United States has started videotaping funerals, and putting them on the Internet for all to see. In a way, this is just an extension of the video business that tapes weddings. In this case, however, relatives of the deceased spend up to $200, depending on how many cameras they want used, to tape the eulogy and the ceremony lowering the deceased's casket into the ground. "This is an excellent way of extending the boundaries of the funeral home," says a company official. In case you want to sneak a peek, try http://www.funeral-cast.com on the Internet. You'll even get a choice of several recent services. You may reach Jim Schuh at The Gazette, or by e-mail at jpschuh@excite.com.